concern turns to loathing

I was so worried about the man I almost married. He has a health condition that could result in death at any time, allegedly. I hadn't heard from him in weeks. Today I got an email from him. And I remember how abusive and toxic he is. I remember that he never really loved me, and even though we were together for nearly 13 years I was never really part of any family. Loathing is too strong of a word... But it does make it much easier to go about my days and move onjonstead of pining in a state of heartbreak unsure if he's even alive.